Hillary Clinton, America's First Lady, spoke on TV tonight. Let me preface my remarks by saying I have always liked the way Hillary has conducted herself. She is bright, unusually articulate, composed, has an unexpected sense of humor, and shows great compassion for the little people, those who must be content with a very small piece of our economic pie. Her concern appears to be genuine, and her heart and mind are in the right place. In general, I am not offended by intelligent, capable women, do not regard them as uppity or unfeminine, and don't feel my manhood is threatened by them. The point I'm trying to make is that I have no bias against Hillary.

But watching her scold Republican members of congress for proceeding with her husband's impeachment inquiry rather than address America's real problems shocked me. It was not that I totally disagreed with her, since we ARE ignoring concerns about managed health care, the solvency of social security, and how to dispose of our unexpected budget surplus. Those points can be made with real validity. What shocked me was that she was making them.

Whatever constitutes Hillary's core, the place she does not show but in which she lives, has to be violated. It is fine to take the position that a man's philosophy, his accomplishments and his works, are more important than the way he treats his personal relationships and his friends. But I fail to see how any human being can listen to the lurid and tawdry details of what happened between her husband, Bill Clinton, and Ms. Lewinsky without reacting with heated, unqualified, and justifiable anger. Hillary's loyalty to her husband is commendable, but this open admission of love for the admirable man she married causes me deep worry. I wonder about her humanity. In many respects, William Jefferson Clinton has been a fine, even a great, president. He simply has not been much of a man.

Jealousy, the green-eyed monster, is part of mankind's instinctive make-up. There are degrees of it, of course, and they vary according to the individual and the degree of conduct that caused the jealousy. In the case of the totally reprehensible and repulsive behavior Mr. Clinton exhibited, rage by his spouse at her public hurt and humiliation would be both natural and understandable. If I were on a jury sitting in judgment of Mrs. Clinton for having killed her husband over this matter, I would not vote her guilty. The law would direct me to do one thing, but my humanity would not allow me to convict her. I am absolutely serious: the dictates of our legal system would not sway my decision. It is this lack of humanity in Hillary that causes me to be amazed. Either she is a far better person than I, eons ahead in evolutionary development, or there is something in her that is not entirely human.

Were an evolutionary laggard such as myself to gain a national podium, speaking as she was to a global audience, I might say something like the following. "The country is devoting inordinate amounts of time to my husband's admitted adultery, and his half-year lying about the matter. I am ashamed of him and his behavior. Rather than put the country through the ordeal of determining whether or not his perjury before a grand jury is an impeachable offense, I propose the following. First, let his wages be reduced 50% for the remainder of his term. Second, he will seek psychiatric counselling for his inability to keep his hands off women who catch his eye. And third, I will have the White House seamstress sew a small, inconspicuous, light-weight cage of titanium bars to be attached to a stalwart belt, fastened with a key and lock, that he will wear over his groin. It will function entirely like the chastity belts of antiquity did for feminine royalty, and it will prevent further regrettable activities of the nature that have long caused me much grief. And I will keep the key."

Now, that would be human!

Sam Orr
World Traveler
and Philanthrope
(Location Unknown)