SECURING THE PRESIDENCY
Hillary Clinton, America's First Lady, spoke on TV tonight. Let me preface
my remarks by saying I have always liked the way Hillary has conducted
herself. She is bright, unusually articulate, composed, has an unexpected
sense of humor, and shows great compassion for the little people, those who
must be content with a very small piece of our economic pie. Her concern
appears to be genuine, and her heart and mind are in the right place. In
general, I am not offended by intelligent, capable women, do not regard
them as uppity or unfeminine, and don't feel my manhood is threatened by
them. The point I'm trying to make is that I have no bias against Hillary.
But watching her scold Republican members of congress for proceeding with
her husband's impeachment inquiry rather than address America's real
problems shocked me. It was not that I totally disagreed with her, since
we ARE ignoring concerns about managed health care, the solvency of social
security, and how to dispose of our unexpected budget surplus. Those
points can be made with real validity. What shocked me was that she was
Whatever constitutes Hillary's core, the place she does not show but in
which she lives, has to be violated. It is fine to take the position that
a man's philosophy, his accomplishments and his works, are more important
than the way he treats his personal relationships and his friends. But I
fail to see how any human being can listen to the lurid and tawdry details
of what happened between her husband, Bill Clinton, and Ms. Lewinsky
without reacting with heated, unqualified, and justifiable anger.
Hillary's loyalty to her husband is commendable, but this open admission of
love for the admirable man she married causes me deep worry. I wonder
about her humanity. In many respects, William Jefferson Clinton has been a
fine, even a great, president. He simply has not been much of a man.
Jealousy, the green-eyed monster, is part of mankind's instinctive make-up.
There are degrees of it, of course, and they vary according to the
individual and the degree of conduct that caused the jealousy. In the case
of the totally reprehensible and repulsive behavior Mr. Clinton exhibited,
rage by his spouse at her public hurt and humiliation would be both natural
and understandable. If I were on a jury sitting in judgment of Mrs.
Clinton for having killed her husband over this matter, I would not vote
her guilty. The law would direct me to do one thing, but my humanity would
not allow me to convict her. I am absolutely serious: the dictates of our
legal system would not sway my decision. It is this lack of humanity in
Hillary that causes me to be amazed. Either she is a far better person
than I, eons ahead in evolutionary development, or there is something in
her that is not entirely human.
Were an evolutionary laggard such as myself to gain a national podium,
speaking as she was to a global audience, I might say something like the
following. "The country is devoting inordinate amounts of time to my
husband's admitted adultery, and his half-year lying about the matter. I
am ashamed of him and his behavior. Rather than put the country through
the ordeal of determining whether or not his perjury before a grand jury is
an impeachable offense, I propose the following. First, let his wages be
reduced 50% for the remainder of his term. Second, he will seek
psychiatric counselling for his inability to keep his hands off women who
catch his eye. And third, I will have the White House seamstress sew a
small, inconspicuous, light-weight cage of titanium bars to be attached to
a stalwart belt, fastened with a key and lock, that he will wear over his
groin. It will function entirely like the chastity belts of antiquity did
for feminine royalty, and it will prevent further regrettable activities of
the nature that have long caused me much grief. And I will keep the key."
Now, that would be human!
Sam Orr firstname.lastname@example.org